Bismillah was solatu was salaam ‘ala Rosulillah Muhammad ibn Abdillah
Alhamdulillah. What can I express about what I feel other than that it is a mix of both gratitude and shame at being made a guest once again of this blessed month? So many of my beloveds have been looking forward to this night since months before, and yet I find myself here, bewildered, as if caught by surprise that I have arrived at this door.
And yet, even as I fumble about this night in this state of utter unpreparedness, He has gifted me some form of enabling grace to practice what little I have read about just minutes before – the recitation of Surah al-Fath, the intention for tarawih to be as nazar, the tarawih itself, using the siwak, gifting my mother the siwak, amongst others. Remarkably, as I was writing the previous sentence, it struck me that this enabling grace – this tawfeeq – to practice the little I have read, has been the elusive thing that has escaped me for years and years. And yet, here it is, ushering me into this blessed month, without any meaningful, intentional, effort on my end.
Gratitude, and shame. At all of His gifts to an undeserving, arrogant, lost servant.
Alhamdulillah. Thank You Allah.
May this Ramadan be a month filled with meaningful, lasting change, fi kheyr wa lutf wa afiah, for all of us.