(i)
For the first time in my life, my cycle is late. It has been more than a week, and I am getting rather worried. I dreamt two days ago that there was extreme pain on my right side (while in real life my cramps have been on the left). In my dream, each time the right was touched, I flinched; the area felt really sore to touch.
I am reminded of AH, who actually found out about her cancer through a dream.
Or perhaps I should husn zhonn that Allah swt wants me to reap the rewards of an entire month of Ramadan?
(ii)
I can’t remember the first part of the dream, but I remember somehow getting to know that a couple were going to revert to Islam later that day, and wishing I could meet them.
Then somehow, I was in another building, seemingly a museum, taking photographs of random people. I entered a room where a Chinese couple were sitting, observing something. I tried to take photos of the two of them, but the photos all came out blurry no matter how many times I tried, and even after changing cameras. I finally gave up, and so we started chatting instead. I can’t remember what was said, except at the end where I asked, “Oh, so are you both Muslim?” and they looked at each other smiling before saying, “Soon. We are taking our shahadah later today inshaAllah.” Then it dawned on me that this was the couple I wanted to meet! I started tearing up in the dream and telling them how generous is Allah, for they were the couple I had whispered in my heart to meet. Then they started tearing up and it was good mashaallah vibes all around.
It felt really, really real. The emotions I felt in the dream, I mean.
Thinking about it now, the blurry photographs seem to have some meaning. Earlier in the day I was watching something, and the monk in the video – upon seeing a young teenage girl being amazed by fireflies and trying to take pictures of them flying around her – said,
“When we can’t create our own light, we get fascinated by other lights.”
In photography, light (and its absence) makes or breaks an image. In my dream, the fact that the couple – pre-reversion – came out all blurry across the images despite the room having amazing light seems to be a metaphor for that that. And in real life, perhaps my new phase of trying to capture outward beauty is because of my struggle to see God’s light within?
(iii)
Not a dream, but just a record that I went to JB over the weekend with the best friend. We stayed at the hotel we stay at all the time, but somehow this was the first time that we got such a high floor with fantastic views of the sea. The sunrise on the first morning floored me, but the sunrise on the second day? SubhanAllah. The pictures I took were a disappointment compared to what my eyes could see.
(Thank you Allah.)
I remember just standing at the window in silence, watching the sky changed hues from purple to orange to blue. And then I remember Byung-Chul Han saying in his book Saving Beauty something about true beauty renders you silent (I think. will have to double check this one).
Other places we went were Angsana and the bazaar Ramadan, but it was truly, truly chaotic and I didn’t really enjoy myself just because of the immense crowd. Best part of the weekend, hands down, is watching the sunrise and the stream of cars crossing the causeway with the best friend, in the echoing silence of our room.
But the trip to Angsana was worth it I guess, since I found (and bought) myself a baju kurung for Eid, for the first time in what… five years? Simple, in dark blue. Now I just have to find a shawl to wear with it.