Bismillah was solatu was salaam ‘ala Rosulillah
وَلَا أُقْسِمُ بِالنَّفْسِ اللَّوَّامَةِ
And I do swear by the self-reproaching soul!
Qur’an, al-Qiyamah 75:2
In today’s class, UFM spent an hour elaborating on the self-reproaching soul, highlighting that one of the calamities of our time is that an increasing number of Muslims are unwittingly taking on the wrong approach to self-reproach. In the above verse, Allah ﷾ takes an oath on the self-reproaching soul. We today, however, swear on self-love and self-acceptance in a way that leaves no room for self-blame. But the way of the prophets is clear; look at how the prophets would reflect on themselves first when their efforts to call people unto God did not bear fruit – what am I doing wrong? how do i correct this?
A clear example would be that of our Messenger ﷺ as he takes cover from the stones pelted onto him ﷺ at the city of Ta’if. With the archangel Gabriel by his side, ready to destroy the entire city for his sake, our beloved Messenger ﷺ instead raises his hands and makes du’a:
‘O my Lord! I complain to you of my weakness, the lack of my resourcefulness and of my humiliation before the people. O most Merciful of those who are merciful. You are the Lord of the oppressed and my Lord. To whom have you entrusted me, to an unsympathetic foe, who receives me with hostility, or to an enemy to whom you have given control over my affair? I do not care for anything so long as you are not displeased with me. Your pardon is that which I desire the most. I seek shelter and assistance in the light of your countenance, which dispels all sorts of darkness and which remedies the condition of this world and the hereafter.’
Prophet Muhammad ﷺ
In the above du’a, the Messenger ﷺ is teaching us several things:
“O my Lord! I complain to you of my weakness, the lack of my resourcefulness and of my humiliation before the people.”
Firstly, that when things don’t go as planned – even with the best of intentions – the first thing we should look at is ourselves. We are the ones that are lacking, we are the ones that are full of weakness, we are the ones who have not planned well, we are the ones that are lowly in the sight of the people. The brighter a candle shines, the more it peels back layers of the darkness, the more things reveal themselves, and so it is with ourselves. The more we work on the reality of our being, the more our own flaws and shortcomings manifest. We are a species that are not – and never will be – perfect, other than the insan al-kamil, Rasulullah ﷺ. Life is just a constant working on ourselves, always striving to inch closer to the being of the Messenger, but knowing we will never get there.
Flaws do not make us terrible humans, flaws simply make us human. What makes a human terrible is if he simply does not work on those flaws!
“O most Merciful of those who are merciful. You are the Lord of the oppressed and my Lord.“
This self-reproach, however, must be accompanied with a strong understanding and awareness that while we are weak, lacking and utterly imperfect, we have a Lord who is Most Merciful, Most Forgiving, and Most Perfect. This was the blind spot that I failed to see (and am constantly forgetting to see). In the couple of years I was depressed, it was simply because I allowed my awareness of my immense shortcomings to drown me in despair, forgetting that my Lord has no limits to His Forgiveness and Mercy. My reliance was on myself and not on Him, my turning was to myself and not to Him, my hopes were on my deeds, and not on His Mercy.
I summoned my strength to change, and in failing to do so time and again, found myself weak. Had I sought strength in Allah ﷾ with du’as and a reliance on Him, I would have found al-Qahhar ﷻ . Because my patience was thin and my resolute waning, I had simply given up. Had I given myself up to Him, I would have found Him to be as-Sabuur ﷻ.
To be continued..